Artemis Fowl: Fairy Jail
by Moira-girl
Summary: This is set after book four Opal deception. I don't want to say to much but I can say that Holly, Mulch, and Artemis are on the run from LEP and there law. Trying to prove themselves inocent for something they are unsure if they entirely want to be inoc
1. Wanted

**A/N**- Ok so this is my first Artemis Fowl fan fic. It's sort of based after the forth book the Opal Deception but I haven't read that book for a while and I may have altered it a little o.O hey creative license! If anyone was fallowing the DP story I was writing I stopped because no one was reviewing :-(. Well, that just means please review! I don't want to stop writing for Artemis Fowl but if nobody reads it I'm still not going to update it…or at least the updates will come slower . Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl although I am contemplating creating and adding my own characters most of them are the creations of Eion Colfier. I have made up many of the places preferring to make up a place then spend for ever trying to find a real place that meets all of my requirements. In other words don't go around saying that all of these places are real because I doubt most of them are. I've decided to list the places that I make up because I feel bad making up places: Gallery of Immigrant art, Area 74

Wanted

**Fowl Manor Dublin Ireland**

"Ok Artemis here's a good one for you," said an all-business Holly Short on Artemis' communicator.

"I doubt it will be difficult," answered Artemis smugly. He thought he could hear Mulch in the background snickering and shouting I told you so.

Holly just scowled in a get-over-yourself scowl and continued, "The underground black market has had a lot of priceless human paintings, much more then usual. Normally Mulch and I don't get into stolen human paintings but this looks like someone's been cleaning out a museum. Mulch and I need to know what museum or museums the paintings could have come from, where you think they'll strike next, and if the humans have noticed." Holly's image blinked out of the screen and replaced with pictures of art work that Artemis recognized as works of art that would be missed by humans.

"I will call you back in about an hour," answered Artemis as he turned on the computer.

"Alright and Artemis, hurry, Haven's been having…problems lately and I'm hoping that his is unrelated," explained Holly.

"Oh and you are reminding me of this because I'm always so slow?" asked Artemis raising an eye brow and acting offended.

"Just play on your stupid computer," growled Holly and glaring at Artemis with a look that Artemis found very reminiscent of the late Commander Root, and then she hung up.

Artemis chuckled at Holly's anger. He quickly scanned some of the human news sites and found that many important art galleries across Europe and America had reported 'priceless' pieces of art missing. Artemis had to chuckle at the term 'priceless' apparently _somebody_ underground was placing a price on them. Artemis evaluated all of the reported missing pieces of art and searched for a pattern. Most of the masterpieces that Holly had showed Artemis were on his list of reported missing with a few that Holly hadn't found underground. Artemis decided to include them in his data, he was sure Holly and Mulch could have missed a couple of paintings.

While Artemis evaluated the crime scenes from the safety of his home computer he noticed that all of the art galleries were near secure military facilities. Artemis, frowning, checked these facilities for reported break-ins and it turned out that with in a few days of the robberies those 'secure' facilities were also robbed. With a few swift strokes of his keyboard Artemis had hacked into the security system of one of the military facilities. Artemis replayed the footage from the night that the break in was reported until he noticed a faint shimmer just out side the security gates. As Artemis watched the shimmer disappeared approximately thirty minutes after it had appeared. Artemis copied the footage onto his home computer and replayed it while applying his feature, of his own design, on his home computer that took off a shield. There, on his computer, Artemis saw a fairy carelessly using his shield as a loop was being placed on the security system.

Artemis smiled in thirty minutes he'd manage to answer two out of thee questions. Yes, the human's knew the art was missing, yes he knew were the art was stolen from. He also had some extra information he knew the fairy culprit was also robbing local military facilities. Artemis flew his fingers across the key board. He knew exactly how to find possible future targets. Artemis crossed art galleries and military facilities in his computer limiting the search results to Europe and the Americas. Artemis got about fifteen results he marked all of the locations that had already been hit by the fairy burblers on a map in red and the ones that hadn't been hit yet in green. There were only about six green locations. Artemis examined his data again and put the dates of the break-ins on the map, when his data was still scrambled Artemis put the chute locations on the map and suddenly found a pattern. All of the possible locations near chute E37 Paris, France; E1 Tara, Ireland; E7 Martina Franca, Italy; and E18 Stonehenge, UK had been hit.

Artemis looked over his map and noticed that the last possible locations near a chute was near E16 Los Angeles, USA. Artemis Fowl smiled his vampire smile. The answer to the third question, he decided was the Gallery of Immigrant art in Santa Monica, California. Santa Monica, California, also home to one of the USA's most guarded, secretive military facilities, Area 74. Artemis looked at a clock and saw that he still had fifteen minutes and decided to find out when this next robbery would be. Artemis labeled his maps with times and concluded that fairy(s) would probably strike somewhere between Wednesday and Monday. Frowning Artemis called Holly. Wednesday was tomorrow.

**Central Haven **

**Office of Short and Diggums' private investigation firm**

"I told you he'd be offended, when you told him this was a difficult one," laughed Mulch as Holly hung up with Artemis.

"Oh, be quiet Diggums," growled Holly under her breathe.

"What was that?" asked Mulch whipping a tear from his eye.

"I said, be quiet," answered Holly with a menacing calm that was very reminiscent of Artemis' dangerous control. The similarity was enough to make Mulch shut his mouth and sit up and give her an odd look. Holly just glared and walked off to her private office.

Holly had convinced Artemis to give her some of the equipment she could use to listen in on LEP reports. One of the ways that Holly got many of her suspects was to make her own files on people who were on the LEP's black list. Foaly did not like the fact that Artemis could just hand equipment over to Holly that could hack into his system, but Foaly didn't want to get his friend arrested so he didn't say anything the few times that his computer had warned him that he was being hacked.

Holly was searching for any reports of unauthorized trips to the surface. The problem with Artemis' contraption was that it was only like a radio; Holly could only here conversations between LEP in the field and LEP in police plaza. Artemis swore that she could get visual from the field and a computer component could get her actually hacking into the files. Holly had only been able to figure out how to work the audio function, much to Artemis' irritation, so she only got current conversations going on in the field.

"—are our main suspects. They've been going above a lot lately," was all that Holly heard when she turned on Artemis' invention. Cursing herself for missing the names Holly listened in on the conversation to try to catch the names again.

"We don't have any solid dirt on them yet. We are waiting for them to slip. We plan on catching them in the act. If we arrest them below ground then we have no proof," explained a showy _Commander_ Sool causing Holly to grind her teeth in anger with him.

"Do you want me to return to police plaza?" asked a rooky who's voice Holly thought she recognized.

"Affirmative, Corporal Neelloc. Return to police plaza immediately," answered Commander Sool.

Holly chuckled slightly. She remembered Corporal Neelloc, although the last time she talked to him he had been Private Neelloc. Holly smiled and silently congratulated the elf for the promotion. Holly didn't think she'd be able to forget him though. Fairies get to choose a name for themselves after they reach a certain age. Most opt to keep there parent given name but some still took the opportunity. Corporal Neelloc had been in LEP training when he was trying to decide on a unique name, a name that could out do Trouble Kelp. Neelloc had been thinking about it during training and when he saw Butler defeat the troll in the training video he chose his name, now the LEP as a proud Corporal Butler Neelloc.

Holly was searching for more useful information in other field conversations but all she found were complaints. Holly sighed and glanced at the moon o meter on her wrist. Artemis said an hour he still had five more minutes. Holly was just about to turn the LEP surveillance device back on when Artemis called her.

"Holly! You and Mulch need to get above ground today," said Artemis as soon as Holly had her communicator out.

"Hello to you too," grumbled Holly to the rude greeting.

"Holly, be serious. I have reason to believe that anytime between tomorrow and next Monday. Our fairy friends may decide to strike in California USA," explained a nervous Artemis.

"Ok. Mulch and I can just take chute E16 and come up in California," answered a confused Holly.

"No, I have a lot of details I need to fill you in on," replied Artemis, "Take E1 and come to my manor as soon as you are above ground daylight or not. Nobody in my family is home you have my invitation already."

"Fine Artemis, but you do realize how dangerous this is for Mulch and me. We are going to be taking a popular chute illegally. I was listening in on the LEP and they are tightening up security," answered Holly agreeing hesitantly.

"We can get to the USA easier from my manor," answered Artemis affirming Holly's suspicions. Artemis wasn't telling her everything because he planned on going along and he could only be assured that he'd be brought a long if he was the only one with all the information.

"Artemis you can be so difficult at times," sighed the elf but giving. Holly chose to ignore the smug smirk on Artemis' face, "Mulch and I will be at your house in about three hours."

**Chute E1**

Holly and Mulch shoved there way to the ticket counter with forged tickets to the surface. Holly and Mulch were able to get enough information to Artemis that he was able to make them forged tickets for when ever they wanted. The tickets always fooled the person behind the counter although the vacationers that had to be bumped were not always so easily fooled although Artemis' forgeries had stood up to even the most suspicious of travelers.

"Hello, Ms. Short, Mr. Diggums," welcomed a very bored looking teenage pixie girl as she twirled her hair around her finger, "You're on the next shuttle to the surface. Will you be in need of a pilot or are one of you certified?"

"I'm certified," answered Holly showing the girl her certification.

The girl took the form from Holly and found certain codes, as she typed them in her computer dinged. Finally she typed the last of the information from the form and handed it back to Holly.

"Birth date?" asked the girl poised to type the additional information which Holly supplied used to this line of questioning.

Once Holly and Mulch were strapped in and waiting for there go ahead to start there swift climb to the surface the two friends thought they had gotten off with out a problem again but neither of them noticed the hidden LEP officer you was watching there every move and called into police plaza the moment the two left.

**Fowl Manor**

"Ok Fowl you've got us here. Now will you tell us the rest of the information or do we have to beg on one knee?" asked Holly sarcastically.

"Begging would be greatly appreciated," answered Artemis so seriously that it took Holly a moment to realize that it was Artemis' attempt at a joke.

"Very fun would you get on with it," answered Holly flatly.

Artemis proceeded to tell Holly and Mulch about the military facilities and which pieces had been stolen from which gallery and how exactly he'd figured out where and when the next robbery was going to be until Mulch was actually snoring. Mulch was rudely interrupted my Artemis' computer's beep that he had gotten an e-mail. This wouldn't have been so bothersome to Mulch except the place where he had chosen put his head down was right next to the computer's speakers.

"Why did you stupid computer beep for?" asked a very annoyed Mulch.

"Oh nothing I've just got an e-mail answered Artemis.

Then the computer beeped five more times in a row.

"I better check those e-mails," mumbled Artemis as he rolled his custom made office chair over to his computer.

As Artemis checked his e-mail Mulch and Holly discussed things in haven and there plans for when they got home. They were both unsure of who they'd charge for this particular case. Mulch insisted they sell the paintings back to the museum. They both stopped and looked at Artemis as he turned back around.

"There is a slight problem," said Artemis, "You won't be able to return home for a little while."

"What the heck are you talking about, Arty?" asked Mulch.

"First of all don't call me Arty. Second of all the three of us are considered wanted criminals," answered Artemis.

"Where the heck would you get a crazy idea like that?" asked Holly.

"Those e-mails, one was from Foaly telling us to get somewhere safe, three of them were underground news alerts saying that two suspects of a major crime, Ms. Holly Short and Mr. Mulch Diggums, were seen fleeing Haven a few hours ago, and the last one was _Commander_ Sool himself saying that if I didn't have both of you back to E1 by ten o'clock tonight I would be able to find out what fairy jail is like," answered Artemis as if he was discussing bad weather.

"They can't arrest you!" exclaimed Holly in shock.

"Actually I've been suspicious after carefully rereading The Book that there may be ways to stretch some things in there to make me eligible for fairy jail," answered Artemis.

"D'arvit," mumbled Mulch summing up in one word how everyone in the room full of, now, wanted criminals felt.


	2. The Culprit

**A/N**- I'm not getting as many reviews as I would like glares at anyone who's read and not reviewed. I've decide to do more purely because I love Artemis Fowl. Also I am assuming I'll get more reviews as soon as I can post it as completed. - so please review (flames excepted but if you flame me I'll probably respond with some flames of my own evil smile keep that in mind).

The Culprit

**Fowl Manor Dublin Ireland **

"What makes you think that they can arrest you and not be going against The Book?" asked a shocked Holly.

"It has everything to do with the fact that I own a copy of The Book," answered Artemis calmly, "The rules protecting humans are only there so that the humans can be protected in there ignorance. I can now use my knowledge of the people and my knowledge of my human rights to my advantage which was not the objective of The Book. Thus I am considered an odd, non-magical member of the People. Similar to centaurs like Foaly or Mulch who lost his magic because he broke into a human house."

"So, let me get this straight. You get yourself a copy of The Book and suddenly you can get hauled off to fairy jail? You don't even get any magic?" asked Mulch.

"Yes," answered Artemis.

"Well, that's a gyp," mumbled Mulch.

"I will still have my rights a human but I am no longer immune to fairy jail," explained Artemis.

"They can't get us while we're in your house?" asked Mulch.

"Exactly, although we must get to Santa Monica before the thief. We can catch the thief and get off the hook. If we let the thief get away again he may use the weaponry and technology to try something in Haven and we will be blamed," explained Artemis.

"Who do you think it is?" asked Holly.

"It is not a fairy I recognize. I do have a good picture of him though," answered Artemis, "I believe you may be able to identify him."

Artemis pulled up a picture he'd taken off of the security tape and showed it to Holly and Mulch, "Is he familiar?"

Holly's mouth hung open, "I don' believe it!"

"Me neither he seemed like such a straight shooter," added Mulch, "Hey Arty got anything to eat?"

"My name is not Arty it is Artemis, you know where the kitchen is, and who is he?" asked Artemis although he was annoyed with his dwarf friend.

"That is Butler," answered Holly still slightly in shock.

"Would you please explain, I know for a fact that Butler was no where near this vicinity at the time," replied Artemis calmly.

"No not your Butler. That is Corporal Butler Neelloc. He's a member of the LEP was just recently promoted," answered Holly, "He chose the name Butler after he saw Butler take on the troll in a training video."

"That's very interesting," mumbled Artemis, "I may know what the motive could possibly be. Although I will need to gather more intelligence before I can determine if my theory is correct."

"Are we still going to head off Butler?" asked Mulch as he walked in with an enormous sandwich as he stuffed it into his mouth.

"Did you just put everything in Artemis' refrigerator on that sandwich?" asked Holly wrinkling her nose at the appalling manner in which Mulch was stuffing his face.

"No _Arty_ has plenty of food," answered Mulch while eating and spitting out large chunks of sandwich when trying to emphasize the use of Artemis' nick name causing both Holly and Artemis to turn a way revolted.

"They will not launch the burglary until tonight. If the two of you would like to get some sleep while I plan a way to redeem all of our names Butler shall show you to your rooms."

"Never thought I'd hear Arty say he wanted to redeem his name before," snickered Mulch as he and Holly left to find Butler.

**Central Haven **

**Police Plaza**

Commander Sool watched the surveillance cameras that had been placed around Fowl Manor. The centaur had been hesitant to put so much security on the mud boy's home, but finally agreed when he was threatened with his budget being slashed. The commander's security system had been proven beneficial when only a few weeks later Artemis Fowl was visited by Ms. Holly Short and a Mr. Mulch Diggums.

The Commander watched as the forty screens flickered from one angle to another. Commander was focusing on the screen that he had enlarged. While none of the Fowls had been home he had ordered Foaly to place an unnoticeable loop on the security cameras out side and they had placed security cameras in every window.

"Camera 21 zoom; cameras 21, 6, 14, and 26 quarter screens," said Commander Sool voicing the commands for his computer.

The Commander watched as Butler ushered there guests into the guest wing of the house. He was pleased that Mulch's room had one of the best shots with the camera. Unfortunately the room that was given to Holly was an interior room so he couldn't get a clear image of her. The Commander turned his attention to Mulch's room he saw the dwarf leave the room and he reappeared on his screen monitoring the kitchen.

"Corporal Neelloc!" shouted the commander, "get in here!"

"Yes, sir?" asked the pixie as he entered the commander's office brushing off his uniform.

"The suspects are above ground, you will go above ground at sunset. They won't dare leave Artemis Fowl's manor until then. Once you're above ground…you know what to do," finished the commander smiling.

**A/N:** I know this is kind of short but I wanted to get another chapter up before school starts D. I'm planning a twist in future chapters (maybe not the next chapter but future ones) so keep reading. Oh and don't get used to me turning out chapters this close after each other. I just got luck and got some free time -. I hope you enjoy oh and please REVIEW!


	3. Complications

**A/N**- Ok, I was asked if I was planning on making this and A/H story and the answer is no. It's not an anti-A/H story, I do like the pairing but I won't make a story like that. I rather read other peoples versions of A/H, I'd end up making it to gushy or to cheesy. Please don't forget to review .

Complications

**Fowl Manor Dublin Ireland **

"Alright, what's going on? Are we going to go try to get this guy?" asked Mulch once everyone was assembled in Artemis Fowl's library. His library was an interior room, it was Butler's idea. He always preferred the interior of the house for briefings of Artemis' plans. They were almost always illegal and Butler never knew when the law may be at the window.

"I believe that this is not a lucid as it is portrayed," began Artemis, "I have devised a plan to get solid evidence against the Corporal Butler Neelloc, although I do not believe the times is right to apprehend said suspect."

"Alright, can I get a translation? I think that my ability to understand English is leaving me," muttered Mulch put off by Artemis' sophisticated language.

"Basically what Artemis said was, he thinks that there might be a trap. We're only going to watch and get evidence against Corporal Neelloc to night, and from that evidence create a new plan," explained Holly annoyed by Mulch's inability to keep up with Artemis' vocabulary.

"Well he could have just said that," mumbled Mulch unhappy about being lectured by his business partner.

"Anyway," said Artemis glaring at Mulch and Holly for interrupting him. "I do think that it is most probably a trap. The entire underground knows your on the surface, who ever is supporting this illegitimate endeavor is not a fool. We will have to be careful."

"Artemis, do you really think that you should use this opportunity as a stake out? I'm pleased that you seem to be taking our safety into consideration, but if, as you say, this is the last projected location should we not try to apprehend the suspect before they get the opportunity to use this weaponry?" asked Butler slightly confused.

"Old friend, we can not just barge in without information. For all we know this could be a clever, and well plotted revenge scheme of Opal Koboi," explained Artemis.

"That's impossible," stated Holly flatly, "Opal Koboi is locked up with maximum security. There is no possible way above or below the earth that she could possible have gotten out."

"Ah, similar to last year? When Koboi was considered safely unconscious? Apparently fairy technology isn't advanced as everyone thinks," stated Artemis with a slight smirk at the part about inferior fairy technology.

"Oh, and staking out the possible crime seen will help you figure out if Opal is behind this?" asked Holly slightly miffed about the fairy technology cut.

"Yah, that's what he said pony boy!" said Mulch into his communicator that had been connected to Foaly. Mulch had decided to make things more interesting by telling Foaly what Artemis had said about his technology.

"FOWL!" shouted the centaur nearly defining Mulch.

"I think it's for you," mumbled Mulch smiling despite the pain in his ear.

"Hello Foaly," said Artemis as he started putting pieces together.

"How dare you insult the people's technology that way!" cried Foaly angrily.

"It took you hours to figure out that Opal Koboi was escaped after she began to assault the LEP and the human world. You knew about the cloning and you still only used DNA in your testing. Poor planning, Foaly," explained Artemis as he continued to work on his project.

"Fowl, if you don't stop mocking my technology I won't tell you what I've learned that should relate to you," pouted Foaly.

Artemis glanced at the screen mildly interested in what Foaly had to say. "Go on."

Foaly glared at Artemis, but he decided not to complain know his information was not only important for Artemis but Holly and Mulch. "I was just ordered, by commander Sool himself to place monitors on every form of transportation in your possession. I suggest you take public transportation to America.

**Police Plaza, Lower Elements**

"Major Viyaya, my office now!" shouted Commander Sool dignified.

"I'm on my way," grumbled Viyaya. He had been demoted after the incident with Opal Koboi a year ago for showing insufficient support for the new commander by being willing to follow Foaly's hunch before Commander's orders.

"What would you like _Commander_," asked Major Viyaya.

"_Major_ Viyaya, I'm well aware that you are unhappy with my decisions, but against my better judgment I've decided to give you a chance to redeem your stature and put your self back on the track to regaining your formal position of commander," said a smug Commander Sool.

"What do you want me to do?" asked Major Viyaya narrowing his eyes.

"I want you to catch Short, Diggums, and, most importantly, Fowl in the act of stealing from a secure facility. We have tagged all of there methods of transportation so you will easily follow them," answered Sool smirking at Major Viyaya's eagerness to get the case.

"I'll take the case. How long do I have to get together a team and head out?" asked Major Viyaya trying his hardest to ignore his commander's attitude and trying to conceal his feelings about the mission.

"Oh, you don't get to choose your team. I have it chosen for you. We are sending you up in an hour," answered Sool smugly.

"Yes, Commander," answered Major Viyaya through gritted teeth.

As Major Viyaya left the commander's office he bit his lip looking very nervous. He didn't want to arrest Holly or any of her friends. Unfortunately Major Viyaya didn't see another way out with out becoming a top suspect.


End file.
